david elginbrod-第75章
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have made it greater； and permitted no indignation to overwhelm it。
As it was； he was utterly passive and helpless in the matter。 The
fault lay in the original weakness that submitted to be so
fascinated； that gave in to it； notwithstanding the vague
expostulations of his better nature； and the consciousness that he
was neglecting his duty to Harry； in order to please Euphra and
enjoy her society。 Had he persisted in doing his duty； it would at
least have kept his mind more healthy； lessened the absorption of
his passion； and given him opportunities of reflection； and moments
of true perception as to what he was about。 But now the spell was
broken at once； and the poor girl had lost a worshipper。 The golden
image with the feet of clay might arise in a prophet's dream； but it
could never abide in such a lover's。 Her glance was powerless now。
Alas； for the withering of such a dream！ Perhaps she deserved
nothing else； but our deserts； when we get them； are sad enough
sometimes。
All that day he walked as in a dream of loss。 As for the person
whom he had used to call Euphra； she was removed to a vast distance
from him。 An absolutely impassable gulf lay between them。
She sent for him。 He went to her filled with a sense of
insensibility。 She was much worse； and suffering great pain。 Hugh
saw at once that she knew that all was over between them； and that
he had seen her pass his door； or had been in her room； for he had
left her door a little open； and she had left it shut。 One
pathetic； most pitiful glance of deprecating entreaty she fixed upon
him； as after a few moments of speechless waiting； he turned to
leave the roomwhich would have remained deathless in his heart；
but that he interpreted it to mean： 〃Don't tell；〃 so he got rid of
it at once by the grant of its supposed request。 She made no effort
to detain him。 She turned her face away； and； hard…hearted； he
heard her sob； not as if her heart would breakthat is littlebut
like an immortal woman in immortal agony； and he did not turn to
comfort her。 Perhaps it was betterhow could he comfort her？ Some
kinds of comfortthe only kinds which poor mortals sometimes have
to giveare like the food on which the patient and the disease live
together； and some griefs are soonest got rid of by letting them
burn out。 All the fire…engines in creation can only prolong the
time； and increase the sense of burning。 There is but one cure： the
fellow…feeling of the human God； which converts the agony itself
into the creative fire of a higher life。
As for Von Funkelstein； Hugh comforted himself with the conviction
that they were destined to meet again。
The day went on； as days will go； unstayed； unhastened by the human
souls； through which they glide silent and awful。 After such
lessons as he was able to get through with Harry；who； feeling that
his tutor did not want him； left the room as soon as they were
overhe threw himself on the couch； and tried to think。 But think
he could not。 Thoughts passed through him； but he did not think
them。 He was powerless in regard to them。 They came and went of
their own will： he could neither say come nor go。 Tired at length
of the couch； he got up and paced about the room for hours。 When he
came to himself a little； he found that the sun was nearly setting。
Through the top of a beech…tree taller than the rest； it sent a
golden light； full of the floating shadows of leaves and branches；
upon the wall of his room。 But there was no beauty for him in the
going down of the sun； no glory in the golden light； no message from
dream…land in the flitting and blending and parting； the constantly
dissolving yet ever remaining play of the lovely and wonderful
shadow…leaves。 The sun sank below the beech…top； and was hidden
behind a cloud of green leaves； thick as the wood was deep。 A grey
light instead of a golden filled the room。 The change had no
interest for him。 The pain of a lost passion tormented himthe
aching that came of the falling together of the ethereal walls of
his soul； about the space where there had been and where there was
no longer a world。
A young bird flew against the window； and fluttered its wings two or
three times； vainly seeking to overcome the unseen obstacle which
the glass presented to its flight。 Hugh started and shuddered。
Then first he knew； in the influence of the signs of the
approaching darkness； how much his nerves had suffered from the
change that had passed。 He took refuge with Harry。 His pupil was
now to be his consoler； who in his turn would fare henceforth the
better； for the decay of Hugh's pleasures。 The poor boy was filled
with delight at having his big brother all to himself again； and
worked harder than ever to make the best of his privileges。 For
Hugh； it was wonderful how soon his peace of mind began to return
after he gave himself to his duty； and how soon the clouds of
disappointment descended below the far horizon； leaving the air
clear above and around。 Painful thoughts about Euphra would still
present themselves； but instead of becoming more gentle and
sorrowful as the days went on； they grew more and more severe and
unjust and angry。 He even entertained doubts whether she did not
know all about the theft of both rings； for to her only had he
discovered the secret place in the old desk。 If she was capable of
what he believed； why should she not be capable of anything else？
It seemed to him most simple and credible。 An impure woman might
just as well be a thief too。I am only describing Hugh's feelings。
But along with these feelings and thoughts； of mingled good and bad；
came one feeling which he needed more than anyrepentance。 Seated
alone upon a fallen tree one day； the face of poor Harry came back
to him； as he saw it first； poring over Polexander in the library；
and； full of the joy of life himself； notwithstanding his past
troubles； strong as a sunrise； and hopeful as a Prometheus； the
quivering perplexity of that sickly little face smote him with a
pang。 〃What might I not have done for the boy！ He； too； was in the
hands of the enchantress； and； instead of freeing him； I became her
slave to enchain him further。〃 Yet； even in this； he did Euphra
injustice； for he had come to the conclusion that she had laid her
plans with the intention of keeping the boy a dwarf； by giving him
only food for babes； and not good food either； withholding from him
every stimulus to mental digestion and consequent hunger； and that
she had objects of her own in doing soone perhaps； to keep herself
necessary to the boy as she was to the father； and so secure the
future。 But poor Euphra's own nature and true education had been
sadly neglected。 A fine knowledge of music and Italian； and the
development of a sensuous sympathy with nature； could hardly be
called education。 It was not certainly such a development of her
own nature as would enable her to sympathise with the necessities of
a boy's nature。 Perhaps the worst that could justly be said of her
behaviour to Harry was； that； with a strong inclination to
despotism； and some feeling of loneliness； she had exercised the one
upon him in order to alleviate the other in herself。 Upon him；
therefore； she expended a certain； or rather an uncertain kind of
affection； which； if it might have been more fittingly spent upon a
lapdog； and was worth but little； might yet have become worth
everything； had she been moderately good。
Hugh did not see Euphra again for more than a fortnight。
CHAPTER XXX。
CHANGES。
Hey； and the rue grows bonny wi' thyme！
And the thyme it is withered； and rue is in prime。
Refrain of an old Scotch song； altered by BURNS。
He hath wronged me； indeed he hath；at a word； he hath；believe
me； Robert Shallow； Esquire； saith he is wronged。
Merry Wives of Windsor。
At length； one evening； entering the drawing…room before dinner；
Hugh found Euphra there alone。 He bowed with embarrassment； and
uttered some commonplace congratulation on her recovery。 She
answered him gently and coldly。 Her whole air and appearance were
signs of acute suffering。 She did not make the slightest approach
to their
