the professor(教授)-第68章
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surprised at my own composure； for； after all； I had come on
business to me exceedingly painful—that of soliciting a favour。 I
asked on what basis the calm rested—I feared it might be
deceptive。 Ere long I caught a glimpse of the ground； and at once I
felt assured of its solidity； I knew where it was。
M。 Vandenhuten was rich； respected； and influential； I； poor；
despised and powerless； so we stood to the world at large as
members of the world’s society； but to each other； as a pair of
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human beings； our positions were reversed。 The Dutchman （he
was not Flamand； but pure Hollandais） was slow； cool； of rather
dense intelligence； though sound and accurate judgment； the
Englishman far more nervous； active； quicker both to plan and to
practise； to conceive and to realize。 The Dutchman was
benevolent； the Englishman susceptible； in short our characters
dovetailed； but my mind having more fire and action than his；
instinctively assumed and kept the predominance。
This point settled； and my position well ascertained； I
addressed him on the subject of my affairs with that genuine
frankness which full confidence can alone inspire。 It was a
pleasure to him to be so appealed to； he thanked me for giving him
this opportunity of using a little exertion in my behalf。 I went on to
explain to him that my wish was not so much to be helped； as to be
put into the way of helping myself； of him I did not want
exertion—that was to be my part—but only information and
recommendation。 Soon after I rose to go。 He held out his hand at
parting—an action of greater significance with foreigners than
with Englishmen。 As I exchanged a smile with him； I thought the
benevolence of his truthful face was better than the intelligence of
my own。 Characters of my order experience a balm…like solace in
the contact of such souls as animated the honest breast of Victor
Vandenhuten。
The next fortnight was a period of many alternations； my
existence during its lapse resembled a sky of one of those
autumnal nights which are specially haunted by meteors and
falling stars。 Hopes and fears； expectations and disappointments；
descended in glancing showers from zenith to horizon； but all
were transient； and darkness followed swift each vanishing
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apparition。 M。 Vandenhuten aided me faithfully； he set me on the
track of several places； and himself made efforts to secure them
for me； but for a long time solicitation and recommendation were
vain—the door either shut in my face when I was about to walk in；
or another candidate； entering before me； rendered my further
advance useless。 Feverish and roused； no disappointment arrested
me； defeat following fast on defeat served as stimulants to will。 I
forgot fastidiousness； conquered reserve； thrust pride from me： I
asked； I persevered； I remonstrated； I dunned。 It is so that
openings are forced into the guarded circle where Fortune sits
dealing favours round。 My perseverance made me known； my
importunity made me remarked。 I was inquired about； my former
pupils’ parents； gathering the reports of their children； heard me
spoken of as talented； and they echoed the word： the sound；
bandied about at random； came at last to ears which； but for its
universality； it might never have reached； and at the very crisis
when I had tried my last effort and knew not what to do； Fortune
looked in at me one morning； as I sat in drear and almost
desperate deliberation on my bedstead； nodded with the
familiarity of an old acquaintance—though God knows I had never
met her before—and threw a prize into my lap。
In the second week of October； 18—； I got the appointment of
English professor to all the classes of — College； Brussels； with a
salary of three thousand francs per annum； and the certainty of
being able； by dint of the reputation and publicity accompanying
the position； to make as much more by private means。 The official
notice； which communicated this information； mentioned also that
it was the strong recommendation of M。 Vandenhuten； négociant；
which had turned the scale of choice in my favour。
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No sooner had I read the announcement than I hurried to M。
Vandenhuten’s bureau； pushed the document under his nose； and
when he had perused it； took both his hands； and thanked him
with unrestrained vivacity。 My vivid words and emphatic gesture
moved his Dutch calm to unwonted sensation。 He said he was
happy—glad to have served me； but he had done nothing meriting
such thanks。 He had not laid out a centime—only scratched a few
words on a sheet of paper。
Again I repeated to him—
“You have made me quite happy； and in a way that suits me； I
do not feel an obligation irksome； conferred by your kind hand； I
do not feel disposed to shun you because you have done me a
favour； from this day you must consent to admit me to your
intimate acquaintance； for I shall hereafter recur again and again
to the pleasure of your society。”
“Ainsi soit…il；” was the reply； accompanied by a smile of
benignant content。 I went away with its sunshine in my heart。
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Chapter XXIII
t was two o’clock when I returned to my lodgings； my dinner；
just brought in from a neighbouring hotel； smoked on the
I
table； I sat down thinking to eat—had the plate been heaped
with potsherds and broken glass； instead of boiled beef and
haricots； I could not have made a more signal failure： appetite had
forsaken me。 Impatient of seeing food which I could not taste； I
put it all aside into a cupboard； and then demanded； “What shall I
do till evening？” for before six P。M。 it would be vain to seek the
Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges； its inhabitant （for me it had but one）
was detained by her vocation elsewhere。 I walked in the streets of
Brussels； and I walked in my own room from two o’clock till six；
never once in that space of time did I sit down。 I was in my
chamber when the last…named hour struck； I had just bathed my
face and feverish hands； an
