a far country-第114章
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glimpse of the fundamental human needs underlying such phenomena as the
labour and woman's movements。 God knows I've just begun to get my
glimpse； and I've floundered around ever since I left college。。。。 I
don't mean to say we can ever see the whole； but we can get a clew； an
idea； and pass it on to our children。 You have children； haven't you？〃
〃Yes；〃 I said。。。。
He said nothinghe seemed to be looking out of the window。
〃Then the scientific point of view in your opinion hasn't done away with
religion？〃 I asked presently。
〃The scientific point of view is the religious point of view；〃 he said
earnestly； 〃because it's the only self…respecting point of view。 I can't
believe that God intended to make a creature who would not ultimately
weigh his beliefs with his reason instead of accepting them blindly。
That's immoral； if you likeespecially in these days。〃
〃And are there； then； no 'over…beliefs'？〃 I said； remembering the
expression in something I had read。
〃That seems to me a relic of the method of ancient science； which was
upside down；a mere confusion with faith。 Faith and belief are two
different things； faith is the emotion； the steam； if you like； that
drives us on in our search for truth。 Theories； at a stretch； might be
identified with 'over…beliefs' but when it comes to confusing our
theories with facts； instead of recognizing them as theories； when it
comes to living by 'over…beliefs' that have no basis in reason and
observed facts；that is fatal。 It's just the trouble with so much of
our electorate to…dayunreasoning acceptance without thought。〃
〃Then；〃 I said； 〃you admit of no other faculty than reason？〃
〃I confess that I don't。 A great many insights that we seem to get from
what we call intuition I think are due to the reason； which is
unconsciously at work。 If there were another faculty that equalled or
transcended reason； it seems to me it would be a very dangerous thing for
the world's progress。 We'd come to rely on it rather than on ourselves
the trouble with the world is that it has been relying on it。 Reason is
the mindit leaps to the stars without realizing always how it gets
there。 It is through reason we get the self…reliance that redeems us。〃
〃But you！〃 I exclaimed。 〃You rely on something else besides reason？〃
〃Yes； it is true；〃 he explained gently； 〃but that Thing Other…than…
Ourselves we feel stirring in us is power； and that power； or the Source
of it； seems to have given us our reason for guidanceif it were not so
we shouldn't have a semblance of freedom。 For there is neither virtue
nor development in finding the path if we are guided。 We do rely on that
power for movementand in the moments when it is withdrawn we are
helpless。 Both the power and the reason are God's。〃
〃But the Church；〃 I was moved by some untraced thought to ask； 〃you
believe there is a future for the Church？〃
〃A church of all those who disseminate truth； foster open…mindedness；
serve humanity and radiate faith；〃 he repliedbut as though he were
speaking to himself； not to me。。。。
A few moments later there was a knock at the door； and the woman of the
house entered to say that Dr。 Hepburn had arrived。 I rose and shook
Krebs's hand： sheer inability to express my emotion drove me to
commonplaces。
〃I'll come in soon again； if I may；〃 I told him。
〃Do； Paret；〃 he said； 〃it's done me good to talk to youmore good than
you imagine。〃
I was unable to answer him； but I glanced back from the doorway to see
him smiling after me。 On my way down the stairs I bumped into the doctor
as he ascended。 The dingy brown parlour was filled with men； standing in
groups and talking in subdued voices。 I hurried into the street； and on
the sidewalk stopped face to face with Perry Blackwood。
〃Hugh！〃 he exclaimed。 〃What are you doing here？〃
〃I came to inquire for Krebs；〃 I answered。 〃I've seen him。〃
〃Youyou've been talking to him？〃 Perry demanded。
I nodded。 He stared at me for a moment with an astonishment to which I
was wholly indifferent。 He did not seem to know just how to act。
〃Well； it was decent of you； Hugh； I must say。 How does he seem？〃
〃Not at all likelike what you'd expect； in his manner。〃
〃No；〃 agreed Perry agitatedly； 〃no； he wouldn't。 My God； we've lost a
big man in him。〃
〃I think we have；〃 I said。
He stared at me again； gave me his hand awkwardly； and went into the
house。 It was not until I had walked the length of the block that I
began to realize what a shock my presence there must have been to him；
with his head full of the contrast between this visit and my former
attitude。 Could it be that it was only the night before I had made a
speech against him and his associates？ It is interesting that my mind
rejected all sense of anomaly and inconsistency。 Krebs possessed me； I
must have been in reality extremely agitated； but this sense of being
possessed seemed a quiet one。 An amazing thing had happenedand yet I
was not amazed。 The Krebs I had seen was the man I had known for many
years； the man I had ridiculed； despised and oppressed； but it seemed to
me then that he had been my friend and intimate all my life： more than
that； I had an odd feeling he had always been a part of me； and that now
had begun to take place a merging of personality。 Nor could I feel that
he was a dying man。 He would live on。。。。
I could not as yet sort and appraise； reduce to order the possessions he
had wished to turn over to me。
It was noon； and people were walking past me in the watery； diluted
sunlight； men in black coats and top hats and women in bizarre；
complicated costumes bright with colour。 I had reached the more
respectable portion of the city； where the churches were emptying。 These
very people； whom not long ago I would have acknowledged as my own kind；
now seemed mildly animated automatons； wax figures。 The day was like
hundreds of Sundays I had known； the city familiar； yet passing strange。
I walked like a ghost through it。。。。
XXVI。
Accompanied by young Dr。 Strafford； I went to California。 My physical
illness had been brief。 Dr。 Brooke had taken matters in his own hands
and ordered an absolute rest； after dwelling at some length on the
vicious pace set by modern business and the lack of consideration and
knowledge shown by men of affairs for their bodies。 There was a limit to
the wrack and strain which the human organism could stand。 He must of
course have suspected the presence of disturbing and disintegrating
factors； but he confined himself to telling me that only an exceptional
constitution had saved me from a serious illness； he must in a way have
comprehended why I did not wish to go abroad； and have my family join me
on the Riviera； as Tom Peters proposed。 California had been my choice；
and Dr。 Brooke recommended the climate of Santa Barbara。
High up on the Montecito hills I found a villa beside the gateway of one
of the deep canons that furrow the mountain side； and day after day I lay
in a chair on the sunny terrace； with a continually recurring amazement
at the brilliancy of my surroundings。 In the early morning I looked down
on a feathery mist hiding the world； a mist presently to be shot with
silver and sapphire…blue； dissolved by slow enchantment until there lay
revealed the plain and the shimmering ocean with its distant islands
trembling in the haze。 At sunset my eyes sought the mountains； mountains
unreal； like glorified scenery of grand opera； with violet shadows in the
wooded canon clefts； and crags of pink tourmaline and ruby against the
skies。 All day long in the tempered heat flowers blazed around me；
insects hummed； lizards darted in and out of the terrace wall； birds
flashed among the checkered shadows of the live oaks。 That grove of
gnarled oaks summoned up before me visions of some classic villa poised
above Grecian seas； shining amidst dark foliage； the refuge of forgotten
kings。 Below me； on the slope； the spaced orange trees were heavy with
golden fruit。
After a while； as I grew stronger； I was driven down and allowed to walk
on the wide beach that stretched in front of the gay houses facing the
sea。 Cormorants
