she-第44章

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Egypt　and　the　barbarians　beyond。　It　must　have　been　a　
strange　philosophy　that　he　taught；　for　in　my　day　the　
peoples　would　have　naught　of　our　philosophies。　Revel　
and　lust　and　drink；　blood　and　cold　steel；　and　the　
shock　of　men　gathered　in　the　battlethese　were　the　
canons　of　their　creeds。〃

I　had　recovered　myself　a　little　by　now；　and　feeling　
bitterly　ashamed　of　the　weakness　into　which　I　had　been　
betrayed；　I　did　my　best　to　expound　to　her　the　
doctrines　of　Christianity；　to　which；　however；　with　the　
single　exception　of　our　conception　of　heaven　and　hell；　
I　found　that　she　paid　but　faint　attention；　her　
interest　being　all　directed　towards　the　Man　who　taught　
them。　Also　I　told　her　that　among　her　own　people；　the　
Arabs；　another　prophet；　one　Mohammed；　had　arisen　and　
preached　a　new　faith　to　which　many　millions　of　mankind　
now　adhered。

〃Ah！〃　she　said；　〃I　seetwo　new　religions！　I　have　
known　so　many；　and　doubtless　there　have　been　many　more　
since　I　knew　aught　beyond　these　caves　of　Ko^r。　Mankind　
asks　ever　of　the　skies　to　vision　out　what　lies　behind　
them。　It　is　terror　for　the　end；　and　but　a　subtler　form　
of　selfishnessthis　it　is　that　breeds　religions。　
Mark；　my　Holly；　each　religion　claims　the　future　for　
its　followers；　or；　at　the　least；　the　good　thereof。　The　
evil　is　for　those　benighted　ones　who　will　have　none　of　
it；　seeing　the　light　the　true　believers　worship；　as　
the　fishes　see　the　stars；　but　dimly。　The　religions　
come　and　the　religions　pass；　and　the　civilizations　
come　and　pass；　and　naught　endures　but　the　world　and　
human　nature。　Ah！　if　man　would　but　see　that　hope　is　
from　within　and　not　from　withoutthat　he　himself　must　
work　out　his　own　salvation！　He　is　there；　and　within　
him　is　the　breath　of　life　and　a　knowledge　of　good　and　
evil　as　good　and　evil　is　to　him。　Thereon　let　him　build　
and　stand　erect；　and　not　cast　himself　before　the　image　
of　some　unknown　God；　modelled　like　his　poor　self；　but　
with　a　bigger　brain　to　think　the　evil　thing；　and　a　
longer　arm　to　do　it。〃

I　thought　to　myself；　which　shows　how　old　such　
reasoning　is；　being；　indeed；　one　of　the　recurring　
quantities　of　theological　discussion；　that　her　
argument　sounded　very　like　some　that　I　have　heard　in　
the　nineteenth　century；　and　in　other　places　than　the　
caves　of　Ko^r；　and　with　which；　by　the　way；　I　totally　
disagree；　but　I　did　not　care　to　try　and　discuss　the　
question　with　her。　To　begin　with；　my　mind　was　too　
weary　with　all　the　emotions　through　which　I　had　
passed；　and；　in　the　second　place；　I　knew　that　I　should　
get　the　worst　of　it；　It　is　weary　work　enough　to　argue　
with　an　ordinary　materialist；　who　hurls　statistics　and　
whole　strata　of　geological　facts　at　your　head；　while　
you　can　only　buffet　him　with　deductions　and　instincts　
and　the　snowflakes　of　faith；　that　are；　alas！　so　apt　to　
melt　in　the　hot　embers　of　our　troubles。　How　little　
chance；　then；　should　I　have　against　one　whose　brain　
was　supernatural　sharpened；　and　who　had　two　thousand　
years　of　experience；　besides　all　manner　of　knowledge　
of　the　secrets　of　Nature　at　her　command！　Feeling　that　
she　would　be　more　likely　to　convert　me　than　I　should　
to　convert　her；　I　thought　it　best　to　leave　the　matter　
alone；　and　so　sat　silent。　Many　a　time　since　then　have　
I　bitterly　regretted　that　I　did　so；　for　thereby　I　lost　
the　only　opportunity　I　can　remember　having　had　of　
ascertaining　what　Ayesha　really　believed；　and　what　her　
〃philosophy〃　was。

〃Well；　my　Holly；〃　she　continued；　〃and　so　those　people　
of　mine　have　also　found　a　prophet；　a　false　prophet　
thou　sayest；　for　he　is　not　thine　own；　and；　indeed；　I　
doubt　it　not。　Yet　in　my　day　was　it　otherwise；　for　then　
we　Arabs　had　many　gods。　Alla^t　there　was；　and　Saba；　
the　Host　of　Heaven；　AI　Uzza；　and　Manah　the　stony　one；　
for　whom　the　blood　of　victims　flowed；　and　Wadd　and　
Sawa^；　and　Yaghuth　the　Lion　of　the　dwellers　in　Yaman；　
and　Yauk　the　Horse　of　Morad；　and　Nasr　the　Eagle　of　
Hamyar；　ay；　and　many　more。　Oh；　the　folly　of　it　all；　
the　shame　and　the　pitiful　folly！　Yet　when　I　rose　in　
wisdom　and　spoke　thereof；　surely　they　would　have　slain　
me　in　the　name　of　their　outraged　gods。　Well；　so　hath　
it　ever　been；　but；　my　Holly；　art　thou　weary　of　me　
already；　that　thou　dost　sit　so　silent？　Or　dost　thou　
fear　lest　I　should　teach　thee　my　philosophy？　for　know　
I　have　a　philosophy。　What　would　a　teacher　be　without　
her　own　philosophy？　and　if　thou　dost　vex　me　overmuch；　
beware！　for　I　will　have　thee　learn　it；　and　thou　shalt　
be　my　disciple；　and　we　twain　will　found　a　faith　that　
shall　swallow　up　all　others。　Faithless　man！　And　but　
half　an　hour　since　thou　wast　upon　thy　kneesthe　
posture　does　not　suit　thee；　Hollyswearing　that　thou　
didst　love　me。　What　shall　we　do？　Nay；　I　have　it。　I　
will　come　and　see　this　youth；　the　Lion；　as　the　old　
man。　Billali　calls　him；　who　came　with　thee；　and　who　is　
so　sick。　The　fever　must　have　run　its　course　by　now；　
and　if　he　is　about　to　die　I　will　recover　him。　Fear　
not；　my　Holly；　I　shall　use　no　magic。　Have　I　not　told　
thee　that　there　is　no　such　thing　as　magic；　though　
there　is　such　a　thing　as　understanding　and　applying　
the　forces　which　are　in　Nature？　Go　now；　and　presently　
when　I　have　made　the　drug　ready　I　will　follow　thee。〃

Accordingly　I　went；　only　to　find　Job　and　Ustane　in　a　
great　state　of　grief；　declaring　that　Leo　was　in　the　
throes　of　death；　and　that　they　had　been　searching　for　
me　everywhere。　I　rushed　to　the　couch；　and　glanced　at　
him：　clearly　he　was　dying。　He　was　senseless；　and　
breathing　heavily；　but　his　lips　were　quivering；　and　
every　now　and　again　a　little　shudder　ran　down　his　
frame。　I　knew　enough　of　doctoring　to　see　that　in　
another　hour　he　would　be　beyond　the　reach　of　earthly　
helpperhaps　in　another　five　minutes。　How　I　cursed　my　
selfishness　and　the　folly　that　had　kept　me　lingering　
by　Ayesha's　side　while　my　dear　boy　lay　dying！　Alas　and　
alas！　how　easily　the　best　of　us　are　lighted　down　to　
evil　by　the　gleam　of　a　woman's　eyes！　What　a　wicked　
wretch　was　I！　Actually；　for　the　last　half…hour　I　had　
scarcely　thought　of　Leo；　and　this；　be　it　remembered；　
of　the　man　who　for　twenty　years　had　been　my　dearest　
companion；　and　the　chief　interest　of　my　existence。　And　
now；　perhaps；　it　was　too　late！

I　wrung　my　hands；　and　glanced　round。　Ustane　was　
sitting　by　the　couch；　and　in　her　eyes　burned　the　dull　
light　of　despair。　Job　was　blubberingI　am　sorry　I　
cannot　name　his　distress　by　any　more　delicate　word
audibly　in　the　corner。　Seeing　my　eye　fixed　upon　him　he　
went　outside　to　give　way　to　his　grief　in　the　passage。　
Obviously　the　only　hope　lay　in　Ayesha。　_i_　She　_i_　；　
and　she　aloneunless；　indeed；　she　was　an　impostor；　
which　I　could　not　believecould　save　him。　I　would　go　
and　implore　her　to　come。　As　I　stared　to　do　so；　
however；　Job　came　flying　into　the　room；　his　hair　
literally　standing　on　end　with　terror。

〃Oh；　God　help　us；　sir！〃　he　ejaculated；　in　a　frightened　
whisper；　〃here's　a　corpse　a…coming　sliding　down　the　
passage！〃

For　a　moment　I　was　puzzled；　but　presently；　of　course；　
it　struck　me　that　he　must　have　seen　Ayesha；　wrapped　in　
her　grave　like　garment；　and　been　deceived　by　the　
extraordinary　undulating　smoothness　of　her　walk　into　a　
belief　that　she　was　a　white　ghost　gliding　towards　him。　
Indeed；　at　that　very　moment　the　question　was　settled；　
for　Ayesha　herself　was　in　the　apartment；　or　rather　
cave。　Job　turned；　and　saw　her　sheeted　form；　and　then；　
with　a　convulsive　howl　of　〃Here　it　comes！〃　sprang　into　
a　corner；　and　jammed　his　face　against　the　wall；　and　
Ustane；　guessing　whose　the　dread　presence　must　be；　
prostrated　herself　upon　her　face。

〃Thou　comest　in　a　good　time；　Ayesha；〃　I　said；　〃for　my　
boy　lies　at　the　point　of　death。〃

〃So；〃　she　said；　softly；　〃provided　he　be　not　dead；　it　
is　no　matter；　for　I　can　bring　him　back　to　life；　my　
Holly。　Is　that　man　there　thy　servant；　and　is　that　the　
method　wherewith　thy　servants　greet　strangers　in　thy　
country？〃

〃He　is　frightened　of　thy　garbit　hath　a　deathlike　
air；〃　I　answered。　_i_　She　_i_　laughed。

〃And　the　girl？　Ah；　I　see　now。　It　is　her　of　whom　thou　
didst　speak　to　me。　Well；　bid　them　both　to　leave　us；　
and　we　will　see　to　this　sick　Lion　of　thine。　I　love　not　
that　underlings　should　perceive　my　wi