three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第15章
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did it just to be contradictory； and for the sake of irritating。 I could see
that。
By a most regrettable accident； one of my swiftest balls struck the
good sheep on the nose。 And at that the bad sheep laughedlaughed
distinctly and undoubtedly； a husky； vulgar laugh； and； while her friend
stood glued to the ground； too astonished to move； she changed her note
for the first time and bleated：
〃Go…o…o…d； ve…e…ry go…o…o…d！ Be…e…e…est sho…o…o…ot he…e…e's ma…a… a…
de！〃
I would have given half…a…crown if it had been she I had hit instead of
the other one。 It is ever the good and amiable who suffer in this world。
I had wasted more time than I had intended in the paddock； and when
Ethelbertha came to tell me it was half…past seven； and the breakfast was
on the table； I remembered that I had not shaved。 It vexes Ethelbertha
my shaving quickly。 She fears that to outsiders it may suggest a poor…
spirited attempt at suicide； and that in consequence it may get about the
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
neighbourhood that we are not happy together。 As a further argument；
she has also hinted that my appearance is not of the kind that can be trifled
with。
On the whole； I was just as glad not to be able to take a long farewell
of Ethelbertha； I did not want to risk her breaking down。 But I should have
liked more opportunity to say a few farewell words of advice to the
children； especially as regards my fishing rod； which they will persist in
using for cricket stumps； and I hate having to run for a train。 Quarter of a
mile from the station I overtook George and Harris； they were also
running。 In their caseso Harris informed me； jerkily； while we trotted
side by sideit was the new kitchen stove that was to blame。 This was
the first morning they had tried it； and from some cause or other it had
blown up the kidneys and scalded the cook。 He said he hoped that by the
time we returned they would have got more used to it。
We caught the train by the skin of our teeth； as the saying is； and
reflecting upon the events of the morning； as we sat gasping in the carriage；
there passed vividly before my mind the panorama of my Uncle Podger； as
on two hundred and fifty days in the year he would start from Ealing
Common by the nine…thirteen train to Moorgate Street。
From my Uncle Podger's house to the railway station was eight
minutes' walk。 What my uncle always said was：
〃Allow yourself a quarter of an hour； and take it easily。〃
What he always did was to start five minutes before the time and run。
I do not know why； but this was the custom of the suburb。 Many stout City
gentlemen lived at Ealing in those daysI believe some live there still
and caught early trains to Town。 They all started late； they all carried a
black bag and a newspaper in one hand； and an umbrella in the other； and
for the last quarter of a mile to the station； wet or fine； they all ran。
Folks with nothing else to do； nursemaids chiefly and errand boys；
with now and then a perambulating costermonger added； would gather on
the common of a fine morning to watch them pass； and cheer the most
deserving。 It was not a showy spectacle。 They did not run well； they
did not even run fast； but they were earnest； and they did their best。 The
exhibition appealed less to one's sense of art than to one's natural
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THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
admiration for conscientious effort。
Occasionally a little harmless betting would take place among the
crowd。
〃Two to one agin the old gent in the white weskit！〃
〃Ten to one on old Blowpipes； bar he don't roll over hisself 'fore 'e gets
there！〃
〃Heven money on the Purple Hemperor！〃a nickname bestowed by a
youth of entomological tastes upon a certain retired military neighbour of
my uncle's；a gentleman of imposing appearance when stationary； but apt
to colour highly under exercise。
My uncle and the others would write to the Ealing Press complaining
bitterly concerning the supineness of the local police； and the editor would
add spirited leaders upon the Decay of Courtesy among the Lower Orders；
especially throughout the Western Suburbs。 But no good ever resulted。
It was not that my uncle did not rise early enough； it was that troubles
came to him at the last moment。 The first thing he would do after
breakfast would be to lose his newspaper。 We always knew when Uncle
Podger had lost anything； by the expression of astonished indignation with
which； on such occasions； he would regard the world in general。 It never
occurred to my Uncle Podger to say to himself：
〃I am a careless old man。 I lose everything： I never know where I
have put anything。 I am quite incapable of finding it again for myself。
In this respect I must be a perfect nuisance to everybody about me。 I
must set to work and reform myself。〃
On the contrary； by some peculiar course of reasoning； he had
convinced himself that whenever he lost a thing it was everybody else's
fault in the house but his own。
〃I had it in my hand here not a minute ago！〃 he would exclaim。
From his tone you would have thought he was living surrounded by
conjurers； who spirited away things from him merely to irritate him。
〃Could you have left it in the garden？〃 my aunt would suggest。
〃What should I want to leave it in the garden for？ I don't want a
paper in the garden； I want the paper in the train with me。〃
〃You haven't put it in your pocket？〃
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〃God bless the woman！ Do you think I should be standing here at
five minutes to nine looking for it if I had it in my pocket all the while？
Do you think I'm a fool？〃
Here somebody would explain； 〃What's this？〃 and hand him from
somewhere a paper neatly folded。
〃I do wish people would leave my things alone；〃 he would growl；
snatching at it savagely。
He would open his bag to put it in； and then glancing at it； he would
pause； speechless with sense of injury。
〃What's the matter？〃 aunt would ask。
〃The day before yesterday's！〃 he would answer； too hurt even to shout；
throwing the paper down upon the table。
If only sometimes it had been yesterday's it would have been a change。
But it was always the day before yesterday's； except on Tuesday； then it
would be Saturday's。
We would find it for him eventually； as often as not he was sitting on it。
And then he would smile； not genially； but with the weariness that comes
to a man who feels that fate has cast his lot among a band of hopeless
idiots。
〃All the time； right in front of your noses！〃 He would not finish the
sentence； he prided himself on his self…control。
This settled； he would start for the hall； where it was the custom of my
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