three men on the bummel(三个闲逛的人)-第16章
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This settled； he would start for the hall； where it was the custom of my
Aunt Maria to have the children gathered； ready to say good… bye to him。
My aunt never left the house herself； if only to make a call next door；
without taking a tender farewell of every inmate。 One never knew； she
would say； what might happen。
One of them； of course； was sure to be missing； and the moment this
was noticed all the other six； without an instant's hesitation； would scatter
with a whoop to find it。 Immediately they were gone it would turn up by
itself from somewhere quite near； always with the most reasonable
explanation for its absence； and would at once start off after the others to
explain to them that it was found。 In this way； five minutes at least would
be taken up in everybody's looking for everybody else； which was just
sufficient time to allow my uncle to find his umbrella and lose his hat。
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Then； at last； the group reassembled in the hall； the drawing…room clock
would commence to strike nine。 It possessed a cold； penetrating chime
that always had the effect of confusing my uncle。 In his excitement he
would kiss some of the children twice over； pass by others； forget whom
he had kissed and whom he hadn't； and have to begin all over again。 He
used to say he believed they mixed themselves up on purpose； and I am
not prepared to maintain that the charge was altogether false。 To add to
his troubles； one child always had a sticky face； and that child would
always be the most affectionate。
If things were going too smoothly； the eldest boy would come out with
some tale about all the clocks in the house being five minutes slow； and of
his having been late for school the previous day in consequence。 This
would send my uncle rushing impetuously down to the gate； where he
would recollect that he had with him neither his bag nor his umbrella。
All the children that my aunt could not stop would charge after him； two
of them struggling for the umbrella； the others surging round the bag。
And when they returned we would discover on the hall table the most
important thing of all that he had forgotten； and wondered what he would
say about it when he came home。
We arrived at Waterloo a little after nine； and at once proceeded to put
George's experiment into operation。 Opening the book at the chapter
entitled 〃At the Cab Rank；〃 we walked up to a hansom； raised our hats；
and wished the driver 〃Good…morning。〃
This man was not to be outdone in politeness by any foreigner； real or
imitation。 Calling to a friend named 〃Charles〃 to 〃hold the steed；〃 he
sprang from his box； and returned to us a bow； that would have done credit
to Mr。 Turveydrop himself。 Speaking apparently in the name of the
nation； he welcomed us to England； adding a regret that Her Majesty was
not at the moment in London。
We could not reply to him in kind。 Nothing of this sort had been
anticipated by the book。 We called him 〃coachman；〃 at which he again
bowed to the pavement； and asked him if he would have the goodness to
drive us to the Westminster Bridge road。
He laid his hand upon his heart； and said the pleasure would be his。
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Taking the third sentence in the chapter； George asked him what his
fare would be。
The question； as introducing a sordid element into the conversation；
seemed to hurt his feelings。 He said he never took money from
distinguished strangers； he suggested a souvenira diamond scarf pin； a
gold snuffbox； some little trifle of that sort by which he could remember
us。
As a small crowd had collected； and as the joke was drifting rather too
far in the cabman's direction； we climbed in without further parley； and
were driven away amid cheers。 We stopped the cab at a boot shop a little
past Astley's Theatre that looked the sort of place we wanted。 It was one
of those overfed shops that the moment their shutters are taken down in
the morning disgorge their goods all round them。 Boxes of boots stood
piled on the pavement or in the gutter opposite。 Boots hung in festoons
about its doors and windows。 Its sun…blind was as some grimy vine；
bearing bunches of black and brown boots。 Inside； the shop was a bower
of boots。 The man； when we entered； was busy with a chisel and
hammer opening a new crate full of boots。
George raised his hat； and said 〃Good…morning。〃
The man did not even turn round。 He struck me from the first as a
disagreeable man。 He grunted something which might have been 〃Good…
morning；〃 or might not； and went on with his work。
George said： 〃I have been recommended to your shop by my friend；
Mr。 X。〃
In response； the man should have said： 〃Mr。 X。 is a most worthy
gentleman； it will give me the greatest pleasure to serve any friend of his。〃
What he did say was： 〃Don't know him； never heard of him。〃
This was disconcerting。 The book gave three or four methods of
buying boots； George had carefully selected the one centred round 〃Mr。
X；〃 as being of all the most courtly。 You talked a good deal with the
shopkeeper about this 〃Mr。 X；〃 and then； when by this means friendship
and understanding had been established； you slid naturally and gracefully
into the immediate object of your coming； namely； your desire for boots；
〃cheap and good。〃 This gross； material man cared； apparently； nothing
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for the niceties of retail dealing。 It was necessary with such an one to
come to business with brutal directness。 George abandoned 〃Mr。 X；〃 and
turning back to a previous page； took a sentence at random。 It was not a
happy selection； it was a speech that would have been superfluous made to
any bootmaker。 Under the present circumstances； threatened and stifled
as we were on every side by boots； it possessed the dignity of positive
imbecilitiy。 It ran：… 〃One has told me that you have here boots for sale。〃
For the first time the man put down his hammer and chisel； and looked
at us。 He spoke slowly； in a thick and husky voice。 He said：
〃What d'ye think I keep boots forto smell 'em？〃
He was one of those men that begin quietly and grow more angry as
they proceed； their wrongs apparently working within them like yeast。
〃What d'ye think I am；〃 he continued； 〃a boot collector？ What d'ye
think I'm running this shop formy health？ D'ye think I love the boots；
and can't bear to part with a pair？ D'ye think I hang 'em about here to
look at 'em？ Ain't there enough of 'em？ Where d'ye think you arein
an international exhibition of boots？ What d'ye think these boots area
historical collection？ Did you ever
