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                  ;SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER; 



;SHE STOOPS TO 

         CONQUER; 



           by OLIVER GOLDSMITH 



                            A COMEDY。 



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                           To SAMUEL JOHNSON�察�LL。D。 

       Dear Sir��By inscribing this slight performance to you�察�I do not mean 

so   much   to   compliment   you   as   myself。     It   may   do   me   some   honour   to 

inform the public�察�that I have lived many years in intimacy with you。                     It 

may serve the interests of mankind also to inform them�察�that the greatest 

wit   may  be   found   in   a   character�察  �without   impairing   the   most   unaffected 

piety。 

     I   have�察  �particularly�察  �reason   to   thank   you   for   your   partiality   to   this 

performance。       The     undertaking   a    comedy   not    merely   sentimental      was 

very dangerous�察�and Mr。 Colman�察�who saw this piece in its various stages�察�

always thought it so。        However�察�I ventured to trust it to the public�察�and�察�

though   it   was   necessarily   delayed   till   late   in   the   season�察  �I   have   every 

reason to be grateful。 

     I am�察�dear Sir�察�your most sincere friend and admirer�察�

     OLIVER GOLDSMITH。 



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                                PROLOGUE 



                             BY DAVID GARRICK�察�ESQ。 

       Enter    MR。     WOODWARD�察            �dressed     in   black�察   �and    holding    a 

handkerchief to his eyes。 

     Excuse me�察�sirs�察�I prayI can't yet speak I'm crying nowand have 

been all the week。 ;'Tis not alone this mourning suit�察─�good masters�此 �I've 

that   within;for   which  there  are  no   plasters� �Pray�察 �would   you   know   the 

reason why I'm crying�拭�The Comic Muse�察�long sick�察�is now a´dying� �And 

if she goes�察�my tears will never stop�察�For as a player�察�I can't squeeze out 

one drop�此�I am undone�察�that's allshall lose my bread I'd rather�察�but that's 

nothinglose my head。 When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier�察�Shuter 

and   I   shall   be   chief   mourners   here。   To   her   a   mawkish   drab   of   spurious 

breed�察�Who deals in sentimentals�察�will succeed� �Poor Ned and I are dead 

to   all   intents�察�We   can   as   soon   speak   Greek   as   sentiments�   �Both   nervous 

grown�察�to keep our spirits up。 We now and then take down a hearty cup。 

What shall we do�拭        �If Comedy forsake us�察�They'll turn us out�察�and no one 

else will take us。 But why can't I be moral��Let me try My heart thus 

pressingfixed   my   face   and   eye   With   a   sententious   look�察  �that   nothing 

means�察。�Faces are blocks in sentimental scenes�� Thus I begin�此 �All is not 

gold   that   glitters�察   �Pleasure   seems   sweet�察  �but   proves   a   glass   of   bitters。 

;When   Ignorance   enters�察  �Folly   is   at   hand�此   �Learning   is   better   far   than 

house   and   land。   ;Let   not   your   virtue   trip�察  �who trips   may   stumble�察   �And 

virtue is not virtue�察�if she tumble。; 

     I give it upmorals won't do for me�察�To make you laugh�察�I must play 

tragedy。 One hope remainshearing the maid was ill�察�A Doctor comes this 

night to show his skill。 To cheer her heart�察�and give your muscles motion�察�

He�察�in Five Draughts prepar'd�察�presents a potion�此�A kind of magic charm 

for be assur'd�察�If you will swallow it�察�the maid is cur'd�此�But desperate the 

Doctor�察�and her case is�察�If you reject the dose�察�and make wry faces� �This 

truth he boasts�察�will boast it while he lives�察�No poisonous drugs are mixed 

in   what he   gives。   Should he succeed�察  �you'll   give him  his degree�察  �If   not�察�

within   he   will   receive   no   fee�   �The   College   YOU�察  �must   his   pretensions 



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back�察�Pronounce him Regular�察�or dub him Quack。 



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              DRAMATIS PERSONAE。 



                                      MEN。 

    SIR    CHARLES      MARLOW                       Mr。   Gardner。   YOUNG 

MARLOW         ��His  Son��               Mr。   Lee   Lewes。    HARDCASTLE 

Mr。   Shuter。   HASTINGS                             Mr。   Dubellamy。   TONY 

LUMPKIN                                            Mr。    Quick。   DIGGORY 

Mr。 Saunders。 

                                   WOMEN。 

    MRS。     HARDCASTLE                                 Mrs。    Green。   MISS 

HARDCASTLE                                Mrs。    Bulkley。  MISS    NEVILLE 

Mrs。 Kniveton。 MAID                                     Miss Williams。 

    LANDLORD�察�SERVANTS�察�Etc。 Etc。 



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                          ACT THE FIRST。 



       SCENEA Chamber in an old´fashioned House。 

       Enter MRS。 HARDCASTLE and MR。 HARDCASTLE。 

       MRS。     HARDCASTLE。              I   vow�察   �Mr。    Hardcastle�察    �you're    very 

particular。    Is   there   a   creature   in   the   whole   country   but   ourselves�察  �that 

does   not   take   a   trip   to   town   now   and   then�察  �to   rub   off   the   rust   a   little�拭�

There's the two Miss Hoggs�察�and our neighbour Mrs。 Grigsby�察�go to take a 

month's polishing every winter。 

     HARDCASTLE。            Ay�察  �and   bring   back   vanity   and   affectation   to   last 

them the whole year。        I wonder why London cannot keep its own fools at 

home�      �In   my   time�察  �the   follies   of   the   town   crept   slowly  among   us�察  �but 

now they travel faster than a stage´coach。             Its fopperies come down not 

only as inside passengers�察�but in the very basket。 

     MRS。 HARDCASTLE。               Ay�察�your times were fine times indeed�察�you 

have been telling us of them for many a long year。             Here we live in an old 

rumbling   mansion�察  �that   looks   for   all   the   world   like   an   inn�察  �but   that   we 

never see company。         Our best visitors are old Mrs。 Oddfish�察�the curate's 

wife�察   �and    little  Cripplegate�察   �the   lame    dancing´master�察     �and    all  our 

entertainment       your   old   stories   of  Prince    Eugene     and   the   Duke    of 

Marlborough。        I hate such old´fashioned trumpery。 

     HARDCASTLE。             And   I   love   it。 I   love   everything   that's   old�此  �old 

friends�察   �old  times�察  �old   manners�察   �old   books�察  �old   wine�察  �and   I  believe�察�

Dorothy ��taking her hand���察�you'll own I have been pretty fond of an old 

wife。 

     MRS。 HARDCASTLE。               Lord�察�Mr。 Hardcastle�察�you're for ever at your 

Dorothys and your old wifes。           You may be a Darby�察�but I'll be no Joan�察�I 

promise you。       I'm not so old as you'd make me�察�by more than one good 

year。    Add twenty to twenty�察�and make money of that。 

     HARDCASTLE。            Let   me   see�察  �twenty   added   to   twenty   makes   just 

fifty and seven。 

     MRS。  HARDCASTLE。              It's   false�察  �Mr。   Hardcastle�察  �I   was   but   twenty 

when I was brought to bed of Tony�察�that I had by Mr。 Lumpkin�察�my first 

husband�察�and he's not come to years of discretion yet。 



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    HARDCASTLE。          Nor   ever   will�察  �I   dare   answer   for   him。 Ay�察  �you 

have taught him finely。 

    MRS。     HARDCASTLE。          No   matter。   Tony    Lumpkin     has  a  good 

fortune。   My son is not to live by his learning。     I don't think a boy wants 

much learning to spend fifteen hundred a year。 

    HARDCASTL

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