the complete works of artemus ward, part 3-第2章
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She came down the graveled walk to meet me； on this beautiful
midsummer nightcame to me in pure white； her golden hair in
splendid disorderstrangely beautiful； yet in tears！
She told me her fresh grievances。
The Marquis； always a despot； had latterly misused her most
vilely。
That very morning； at breakfast； he had cursed the fishballs and
sneered at the pickled onions。
She is a good cook。 The neighbors will tell you so。 And to be
told by the base Marquisa man who； previous to his marriage；
had lived at the cheap eating…housesto be told by him that her
manner of frying fishballs was a failureit was too much。
Her tears fell fast。 I too wept。 I mixed my sobs with her'n。
〃Fly with me！〃 I cried。
Her lips met mine。 I held her in my arms。 I felt her breath
upon my cheek！ It was Hunkey。
〃Fly with me。 To New York！ I will write romances for the Sunday
papersreal French romances； with morals to them。 My style will
be appreciated。 Shop girls and young mercantile persons will
adore it； and I will amass wealth with my ready pen。〃
Ere she could replyere she could articulate her ecstasy； her
husband； the Marquis； crept snake…like upon me。
Shall I write it？ He kicked me out of the gardenhe kicked me
into the street。
I did not return。 How could I？ I； so ethereal； so full of soul；
of sentiment； of sparkling originality！ He； so gross； so
practical； so lop…eared！
Had I returned； the creature would have kicked me again。
So I left Paris for this placethis place； so lonely； so dismal。
Ah me！
Oh dear！
3。3。 A ROMANCE。WILLIAM BARKER； THE YOUNG PATRIOT。
I。
〃No； William Barker； you cannot have my daughter's hand in
marriage until you are her equal in wealth and social position。〃
The speaker was a haughty old man of some sixty years； and the
person whom he addressed was a fine…looking young man of
twenty…five。
With a sad aspect the young man withdrew from the stately
mansion。
II。
Six months later the young man stood in the presence of the
haughty old man。
〃What！ YOU here again？〃 angrily cried the old man。
〃Ay； old man；〃 proudly exclaimed William Barker。 〃I am here；
your daughter's equal and yours？〃
The old man's lips curled with scorn。 A derisive smile lit up
his cold features； when； casting violently upon the marble center
table an enormous roll of greenbacks； William Barker cried
〃See！ Look on this wealth。 And I've tenfold more！ Listen； old
man！ You spurned me from your door。 But I did not despair。 I
secured a contract for furnishing the Army of the with beef〃
〃Yes； yes！〃 eagerly exclaimed the old man。
〃and I bought up all the disabled cavalry horses I could find〃
〃I see！ I see！〃 cried the old man。 〃And good beef they make；
too。〃
〃They do！ they do！ and the profits are immense。〃
〃I should say so！〃
〃And now； sir； I claim your daughter's fair hand！〃
〃Boy； she is yours。 But hold！ Look me in the eye。 Throughout
all this have you been loyal？〃
〃To the core！〃 cried William Barker。
〃And；〃 continued the old man； in a voice husky with emotion； 〃are
you in favor of a vigorous prosecution of the war？〃
〃I am； I am！〃
〃Then； boy take her！ Maria； child； come hither。 Your William
claims thee。 Be happy； my children！ And whatever our lot in life
may be； LET US ALL SUPPORT THE GOVERNMENT！〃
3。4。 A ROMANCETHE CONSCRIPT。
＇Which may bother the reader a little unless he is familiar with
the music of the day。＇
CHAPTER I。
Philander Reed struggled with spool…thread and tape in a dry…
goods store at Ogdensburg； on the St。 Lawrence River； State of
New York。 He Rallied Round the Flag； Boys； and HAILED Columbia
every time she passed that way。 One day a regiment returning
from the war Came Marching Along； bringing An Intelligent
Contraband with them； who left the South about the time Babylon
was a…Fallin'； and when it was apparent to all well…ordered minds
that the Kingdom was Coming； accompanied by the Day of Jubilee。
Philander left his spool…thread and tape； rushed into the street；
and by his Long…Tail Blue； sed； 〃Let me kiss him for his Mother。〃
Then； with patriotic jocularity； he inquired； 〃How is your High
Daddy in the Morning？〃 to which Pomp of Cudjo's Cave replied；
〃That poor Old Slave has gone to rest； we ne'er shall see him
more！ But U。S。G。 is the man for me； or Any other Man。〃 Then he
Walked Round。
〃And your Master；〃 sed Philander； 〃where is he？〃
〃Massa's in the cold； cold groundat least I hope so！〃 sed the
gay contraband。
〃March on； March on！ all hearts rejoice！〃 cried the Colonel； who
was mounted on a Bob…tailed nagon which； in times of Peace； my
soul； O Peace！ he had betted his money。
〃Yaw；〃 sed a German Bold Sojer Boy； 〃we don't…fights…mit…Segel as
much as we did。〃
The regiment marched on； and Philander betook himself to his
mother's Cottage Near the Banks of that Lone River； and rehearsed
the stirring speech he was to make that night at a war meeting。
〃It's just before the battle； Mother；〃 he said； 〃and I want to
say something that will encourage Grant。〃
CHAPTER II。MABEL。
Mabel Tucker was an orphan。 Her father； Dan Tucker； was run over
one day by a train of cars though he needn't have been； for the
kind…hearted engineer told him to Git out of the Way。
Mabel early manifested a marked inclination for the milinery
business； and at the time we introduce her to our readers she was
Chief Engineer of a Millinery Shop and Boss of a Sewing Machine。
Philander Reed loved Mabel Tucker； and Ever of her was Fondly
Dreaming； and she used to say； 〃Will you love me Then as Now？〃 to
which he would answer that he would； and WITHOUT the written
consent of his parents。
She sat in the parlor of the Cot where she was Born； one Summer's
eve； with pensive thought； when Somebody came Knocking at the
Door。 It was Philander。 Fond Embrace and things。 Thrilling
emotions。 P。 very pale and shaky in the legs。 Also； sweaty。
〃Where hast thou been？〃 she sed。 〃Hast been gathering shells
from youth to age； and then leaving them like a che…eild？ Why
this tremors？ Why these Sadfulness？〃
〃Mabeyuel！〃 he cried。 〃Mabeyuel！ They've Drafted me into the
Army！〃
An orderly Surgeant now appears and says； 〃Come； Philander； let's
be a…marching；〃 And he tore her from his embrace （P。's） and
marched the conscript to the Examining Surgeon's office。
Mabel fainted in two places。 It was worse than Brother's
Fainting at the Door。
CHAPTER III。THE CONSCRIPT。
Philander Reed hadn't three hundred dollars； being a dead…broken
Reed； so he must either become one of the noble Band who are
Coming； Father Abraham； three hundred thousand more； or skedaddle
across the St。 Lawrence River to the Canada Line。 As his
opinions had recently undergone a radical change； he chose the
latter course； and was soon Afloat； afloat； on the swift rolling
tide。 〃Row； brothers； row；〃 he cried； 〃the stream runs fast； the
Sergeant is near； and the Zamination's past； and I'm a able…
bodied man。〃
Landing； he at once imprinted a conservative kiss on the Canada
Line； and feelingly asked himself； 〃Who will care for Mother now？
But I propose to stick it out on this Line if it takes all
Summer。〃
CHAPTER IV。THE MEETING。
It was evening； IT was。 The Star of the Evening； Beautiful Star；
shone brilliantly； adorning the sky with those 〃Neutral〃 tints
which have characterized all British skies ever since this War
broke out。
Philander sat on the Canada Line； playing with his Yard…stick；
and perhaps about to take the measure of an unmade piece of
calico； when Mabel； with a wild cry of joy； sprang from a small
boat to his side。 The meeting was too much。 They divided a good
square faint between them this time。 At last Philander found his
utterance； and said； 〃Do they think of me at Home； do they ever
think of me？〃
〃No；〃 she replied； 〃but they do at the recruiting office。〃
〃Ha！ 'tis well。〃
〃Nay； dearest；〃 Mabel pleaded； 〃come home and go to the war like
a man！ I will take your place in the Dry Goods
