the complete works of artemus ward, part 3-第7章
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in the big arm…chairs of the various hotels； and he would be able
to fly the city in the morning。 He had a haggard and worn…out
look yesterday morning。 Two large bailiffs； he said； had
surrounded the building in the night； and he had not slept a
wink。 And to add to his discomfiture his coat was covered with a
variegated and moist mixture； which he thought must be some of
the brains of his opponent； they having spattered against him as
he passed the dying man in his flight from the field。 As Smith
was not dead （though the surgeon said he would be confined to his
house for several weeks； and there was some danger of
mortification setting in）； Culkins wisely concluded that the
mixture might be something else。 A liberal purse was made up for
him； and at an early hour yesterday morning the last of the
Culkinses went down St。 Clair Street on a smart trot。 He took
this morning's Lakeshore express train at some way…station； and
is now on his way to New York。 The most astonishing thing about
the whole affair is the appearance on the street to…day；
apparently well and unhurt； of the gentleman who was so badly
〃wounded in the shoulder。〃 But a duel was actually 〃fit。〃
3。10。 A MORMON ROMANCEREGINALD GLOVERSON。
CHAPTER I。THE MORMON'S DEPARTURE。
The morning on which Reginald Gloverson was to leave Great Salt
Lake City with a mule…train； dawned beautifully。
Reginald Gloverson was a young and thrifty Mormon； with an
interesting family of twenty young and handsome wives。 His
unions had never been blessed with children。 As often as once a
year he used to go to Omaha； in Nebraska； with a mule…train for
goods； but although he had performed the rather perilous journey
many times with entire safety； his heart was strangely sad on
this particular morning； and filled with gloomy forebodings。
The time for his departure had arrived。 The high…spirited mules
were at the door； impatiently champing their bits。 The Mormon
stood sadly among his weeping wives。
〃Dearest ones；〃 he said； 〃I am singularly sad at heart； this
morning； but do not let this depress you。 The journey is a
perilous one； butpshaw！ I have always come back safely
heretofore； and why should I fear？ Besides； I know that every
night； as I lay down on the broad starlit prairie； your bright
faces will come to me in my dreams； and make my slumbers sweet
and gentle。 You； Emily； with your mild blue eyes； and you；
Henrietta； with your splendid black hair； and you； Nelly； with
your hair so brightly； beautifully golden； and you； Mollie； with
your cheeks so downy； and you； Betsy； with your wine…red lips
far more delicious； though； than any wine I ever tastedand you；
Maria； with your winsome voice； and you； Susan； with yourwith
yourthat is to say； Susan； with yourand the other thirteen of
you； each so good and beautiful； will come to me in sweet dreams；
will you not； Dearestists？〃
〃Our own；〃 they lovingly chimed； 〃we will！〃
〃And so farewell！〃 said Reginald。 〃Come to my arms； my own！〃 he
cried； 〃that is； as many of you as can do it conveniently at
once； for I must away。〃
He folded several of them to his throbbing breast； and drove
sadly away。
。 。 。 。
But he had not gone far when the trace of the off…hind mule
became unhitched。 Dismounting； he essayed to adjust the trace；
but ere he had fairly commenced the task； the mule； a singularly
refractory animalsnorted wildly； and kicked Reginald
frightfully in the stomach。 He arose with difficulty； and
tottered feebly towards his mother's house； which was near by；
falling dead in her yard； with the remark； 〃Dear Mother； I've
come home to die！〃
〃So I see；〃 she said； 〃where's the mules？〃
Alas！ Reginald Gloverson could give no answer。 In vain the
heart…stricken mother threw herself upon his inanimate form；
crying； 〃Oh； my sonmy son！ Only tell me where the mules are；
and then you may die if you want to。〃
In vainin vain！ Reginald had passed on。
CHAPTER II。FUNERAL TRAPPINGS。
The mules were never found。
Reginald's heart…broken mother took the body home to her
unfortunate son's widows。 But before her arrival she
indiscreetly sent a boy to Bust the news gently to the afflicted
wives； which he did by informing them in a hoarse whisper that
their 〃old man had gone in。〃
The wives felt very badly indeed。
〃He was devoted to me；〃 sobbed Emily。
〃And to me；〃 said Maria。
〃Yes；〃 said Emily； 〃he thought considerably of you； but not so
much as he did of me。〃
〃I say he did！〃
〃And I say he didn't！〃
〃He did！〃
〃He didn't！〃
〃Don't look at ME； with your squint eyes！〃
〃Don't shake your red head at ME！〃
〃Sisters！〃 said the black…haired Henrietta； 〃cease this unseemly
wrangling。 I； as his first wife； shall strew flowers on his
grave。〃
〃No you WON'T；〃 said Susan。 〃I； as his last wife； shall strew
flowers on his grave。 It's MY business to strew！〃
〃You shan't； so there！〃 said Henrietta。
〃You bet I will！〃 said Susan； with a tear…suffused cheek。
〃Well； as for me；〃 said the practical Betsy； 〃I ain't on the
Strew； much； but I shall ride at the head of the funeral
procession！〃
〃Not if I've been introduced to myself； you won't；〃 said the
golden…haired Nelly； 〃that's my position。 You bet your bonnet…
strings it is。〃
〃Children；〃 said Reginald's mother； 〃you must do some crying； you
know； on the day of the funeral； and how many pocket…handkerchers
will it take to go round？ Betsy； you and Nelly ought to make one
do between you。〃
〃I'll tear her eyes out if she perpetrates a sob on my
handkercher！〃 said Nelly。
〃Dear daughters in…law；〃 said Reginald's mother； 〃how unseemly is
this anger！ Mules is five hundred dollars a span； and every
identical mule my poor boy had has been gobbled up by the red
man。 I knew when my Reginald staggered into the door…yard that
he was on the Die； but if I'd only thunk to ask him about them
mules ere his gentle spirit took flight； it would have been four
thousand dollars in OUR pockets； and NO mistake！ Excuse those
real tears； but you've never felt a parent's feelin's。〃
〃It's an oversight；〃 sobbed Maria。 〃Don't blame us！〃
CHAPTER III。DUST TO DUST。
The funeral passed off in a very pleasant manner； nothing
occuring to mar the harmony of the occasion。 By a happy thought
of Reginald's mother； the wives walked to the grave twenty
abreast； which rendered that part of the ceremony thoroughly
impartial。
。 。 。 。
That night the twenty wives； with heavy hearts； sought their
twenty respective couches。 But no Reginald occupied those twenty
respective couchesReginald would never more linger all night in
blissful repose in those twenty respective couchesReginald's
head would never more press the twenty respective pillows of
those twenty respective couchesnever； nevermore！
。 。 。 。
In another house； not many leagues from the House of Mourning； a
gray…haired woman was weeping passionately。 〃He died；〃 she
cried； 〃he died without sigerfyin'； in any respect； where them
mules went to！〃
CHAPTER IV。MARRIED AGAIN。
Two years are supposed to elapse between the third and fourth
chapters of this original American romance。
A manly Mormon； one evening； as the sun was preparing to set
among a select apartment of gold and crimson clouds in the
western horizonalthough for that matter the sun has a right to
〃set〃 where it wants to； and so； I may add has a hena manly
Mormon； I say； tapped gently at the door of the mansion of the
late Reginald Gloverson。
The door was opened by Mrs。 Sarah Gloverson。
〃Is this the house of the widow Gloverson！〃 the Mormon asked。
〃It is；〃 said Susan。
〃And how many is there of she？〃 inquired the Mormon。
〃There is about twenty of her； including me；〃 courteously
returned the fair Susan。
〃Can I see her？〃
〃You can。〃
〃Madam；〃 he softly said； addressing the twenty disconsolate
widows。 〃I have seen part of you before！ And although I have
already twenty…five wives； whom I respect and tenderly care for；
I can truly say that I never fe
