lazy tour of two idle apprentices-第16章

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all　passed　away。　　Remembering　that　the　current　of　his　life　had

hitherto　oozed　along　in　one　smooth　stream　of　laziness；　occasionally

troubled　on　the　surface　by　a　slight　passing　ripple　of　industry；　his

present　ideas　on　the　subject　of　self…reform；　inclined　him　…　not　as

the　reader　may　be　disposed　to　imagine；　to　project　schemes　for　a　new

existence　of　enterprise　and　exertion　…　but；　on　the　contrary；　to

resolve　that　he　would　never；　if　he　could　possibly　help　it；　be

active　or　industrious　again；　throughout　the　whole　of　his　future

career。



It　is　due　to　Mr。　Idle　to　relate　that　his　mind　sauntered　towards

this　peculiar　conclusion　on　distinct　and　logically…producible

grounds。　　After　reviewing；　quite　at　his　ease；　and　with　many　needful

intervals　of　repose；　the　generally…placid　spectacle　of　his　past

existence；　he　arrived　at　the　discovery　that　all　the　great　disasters

which　had　tried　his　patience　and　equanimity　in　early　life；　had　been

caused　by　his　having　allowed　himself　to　be　deluded　into　imitating

some　pernicious　example　of　activity　and　industry　that　had　been　set

him　by　others。　　The　trials　to　which　he　here　alludes　were　three　in

number；　and　may　be　thus　reckoned　up：　　First；　the　disaster　of　being

an　unpopular　and　a　thrashed　boy　at　school；　secondly；　the　disaster

of　falling　seriously　ill；　thirdly；　the　disaster　of　becoming

acquainted　with　a　great　bore。



The　first　disaster　occurred　after　Thomas　had　been　an　idle　and　a

popular　boy　at　school；　for　some　happy　years。　　One　Christmas…time；

he　was　stimulated　by　the　evil　example　of　a　companion；　whom　he　had

always　trusted　and　liked；　to　be　untrue　to　himself；　and　to　try　for　a

prize　at　the　ensuing　half…yearly　examination。　　He　did　try；　and　he

got　a　prize　…　how；　he　did　not　distinctly　know　at　the　moment；　and

cannot　remember　now。　　No　sooner；　however；　had　the　book　…　Moral

Hints　to　the　Young　on　the　Value　of　Time　…　been　placed　in　his　hands；

than　the　first　troubles　of　his　life　began。　　The　idle　boys　deserted

him；　as　a　traitor　to　their　cause。　　The　industrious　boys　avoided

him；　as　a　dangerous　interloper；　one　of　their　number；　who　had　always

won　the　prize　on　previous　occasions；　expressing　just　resentment　at

the　invasion　of　his　privileges　by　calling　Thomas　into　the　play…

ground；　and　then　and　there　administering　to　him　the　first　sound　and

genuine　thrashing　that　he　had　ever　received　in　his　life。　　Unpopular

from　that　moment；　as　a　beaten　boy；　who　belonged　to　no　side　and　was

rejected　by　all　parties；　young　Idle　soon　lost　caste　with　his

masters；　as　he　had　previously　lost　caste　with　his　schoolfellows。

He　had　forfeited　the　comfortable　reputation　of　being　the　one　lazy

member　of　the　youthful　community　whom　it　was　quite　hopeless　to

punish。　　Never　again　did　he　hear　the　headmaster　say　reproachfully

to　an　industrious　boy　who　had　committed　a　fault；　'I　might　have

expected　this　in　Thomas　Idle；　but　it　is　inexcusable；　sir；　in　you；

who　know　better。'　　Never　more；　after　winning　that　fatal　prize；　did

he　escape　the　retributive　imposition；　or　the　avenging　birch。　　From

that　time；　the　masters　made　him　work；　and　the　boys　would　not　let

him　play。　　From　that　time　his　social　position　steadily　declined；

and　his　life　at　school　became　a　perpetual　burden　to　him。



So；　again；　with　the　second　disaster。　　While　Thomas　was　lazy；　he　was

a　model　of　health。　　His　first　attempt　at　active　exertion　and　his

first　suffering　from　severe　illness　are　connected　together　by　the

intimate　relations　of　cause　and　effect。　　Shortly　after　leaving

school；　he　accompanied　a　party　of　friends　to　a　cricket…field；　in

his　natural　and　appropriate　character　of　spectator　only。　　On　the

ground　it　was　discovered　that　the　players　fell　short　of　the

required　number；　and　facile　Thomas　was　persuaded　to　assist　in

making　up　the　complement。　　At　a　certain　appointed　time；　he　was

roused　from　peaceful　slumber　in　a　dry　ditch；　and　placed　before

three　wickets　with　a　bat　in　his　hand。　　Opposite　to　him；　behind

three　more　wickets；　stood　one　of　his　bosom　friends；　filling　the

situation　（as　he　was　informed）　of　bowler。　　No　words　can　describe

Mr。　Idle's　horror　and　amazement；　when　he　saw　this　young　man　…　on

ordinary　occasions；　the　meekest　and　mildest　of　human　beings　…

suddenly　contract　his　eye…brows；　compress　his　lips；　assume　the

aspect　of　an　infuriated　savage；　run　back　a　few　steps；　then　run

forward；　and；　without　the　slightest　previous　provocation；　hurl　a

detestably　hard　ball　with　all　his　might　straight　at　Thomas's　legs。

Stimulated　to　preternatural　activity　of　body　and　sharpness　of　eye

by　the　instinct　of　self…preservation；　Mr。　Idle　contrived；　by

jumping　deftly　aside　at　the　right　moment；　and　by　using　his　bat

（ridiculously　narrow　as　it　was　for　the　purpose）　as　a　shield；　to

preserve　his　life　and　limbs　from　the　dastardly　attack　that　had　been

made　on　both；　to　leave　the　full　force　of　the　deadly　missile　to

strike　his　wicket　instead　of　his　leg；　and　to　end　the　innings；　so

far　as　his　side　was　concerned；　by　being　immediately　bowled　out。

Grateful　for　his　escape；　he　was　about　to　return　to　the　dry　ditch；

when　he　was　peremptorily　stopped；　and　told　that　the　other　side　was

'going　in；'　and　that　he　was　expected　to　'field。'　　His　conception　of

the　whole　art　and　mystery　of　'fielding；'　may　be　summed　up　in　the

three　words　of　serious　advice　which　he　privately　administered　to

himself　on　that　trying　occasion　…　avoid　the　ball。　　Fortified　by

this　sound　and　salutary　principle；　he　took　his　own　course；

impervious　alike　to　ridicule　and　abuse。　　Whenever　the　ball　came

near　him；　he　thought　of　his　shins；　and　got　out　of　the　way

immediately。　　'Catch　it！'　　'Stop　it！'　　'Pitch　it　up！'　were　cries

that　passed　by　him　like　the　idle　wind　that　he　regarded　not。　　He

ducked　under　it；　he　jumped　over　it；　he　whisked　himself　away　from　it

on　either　side。　　Never　once；　through　the　whole　innings　did　he　and

the　ball　come　together　on　anything　approaching　to　intimate　terms。

The　unnatural　activity　of　body　which　was　necessarily　called　forth

for　the　accomplishment　of　this　result　threw　Thomas　Idle；　for　the

first　time　in　his　life；　into　a　perspiration。　　The　perspiration；　in

consequence　of　his　want　of　practice　in　the　management　of　that

particular　result　of　bodily　activity；　was　suddenly　checked；　the

inevitable　chill　succeeded；　and　that；　in　its　turn；　was　followed　by

a　fever。　　For　the　first　time　since　his　birth；　Mr。　Idle　found

himself　confined　to　his　bed　for　many　weeks　together；　wasted　and

worn　by　a　long　illness；　of　which　his　own　disastrous　muscular

exertion　had　been　the　sole　first　cause。



The　third　occasion　on　which　Thomas　found　reason　to　reproach　himself

bitterly　for　the　mistake　of　having　attempted　to　be　industrious；　was

connected　with　his　choice　of　a　calling　in　life。　　Having　no　interest

in　the　Church；　he　appropriately　selected　the　next　best　profession

for　a　lazy　man　in　England　…　the　Bar。　　Although　the　Benchers　of　the

Inns　of　Court　have　lately　abandoned　their　good　old　principles；　and

oblige　their　students　to　make　some　show　of　studying；　in　Mr。　Idle's

time　no　such　innovation　as　this　existed。　　Young　men　who　aspired　to

the　honourable　title　of　barrister　were；　very　properly；　not　asked　to

learn　anything　of　the　law；　but　were　merely　required　to　eat　a

certain　number　of　dinners　at　the　table　of　their　Hall；　and　to　pay　a

certain　sum　of　money；　and　were　called　to　the　Bar　as　soon　as　they

could　prove　that　they　had　sufficiently　complied　with　these

extremely　sensible　regulations。　　Never　did　Thomas　move　more

harmoniously　in　concert　with　his　elders　and　betters　than　when　he

was　qualifying　himself　for　admission　among　the　barristers　of　his

native　country。　　Never　did　he　feel　more　deeply　what　real　laziness

was　in　all　the　serene　majesty　of　its　nature；　than　on　the　memorable

day　when　he　was　called　to　the　Bar；　after　having　carefully　abstained

from　opening　his　law…books　during　his　period　of　probation；　except

to　fall　asleep　over　them。　　How　he　could　ever　again　have　become

industrious；　even　for　the　shortest　period；　after　that　great　reward

conferred　upon　his　idleness；