5 midnigh+sun-第22章
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expression。 I couldn't tear myself away from the image in Alice's head in order to hear
his。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
85
〃I'm going to love her someday； Jazz。 I'll be very put out with you if you don't
let her be。〃
I was still locked into Alice's thoughts。 I saw the future shimmer as Jasper's
resolve floundered in the face of her unexpected request。
〃Ah；〃 she sighed—his indecision had cleared a new future。 〃See？ Bella's not
going to say anything。 There's nothing to worry about。〃
The way she said the girl's name？like they were already close confidants？
〃Alice；〃 I choked。 〃What？does this？？〃
〃I told you there was a change coming。 I don't know； Edward。〃 But she locked
her jaw； and I could see that there was more。 She was trying not to think about it； she
was focusing very hard on Jasper suddenly； though he was too stunned to have
progressed much in his decision making。
She did this sometimes when she was trying to keep something from me。
〃What； Alice？ What are you hiding？〃
I heard Emmett grumble。 He always got frustrated when Alice and I had these
kinds of conversations。
She shook her head； trying to not let me in。
〃Is it about the girl？〃 I demanded。 〃Is it about Bella？〃
She had her teeth gritted in concentration； but when I spoke Bella's name； she
slipped。 Her slip only lasted the tiniest portion of a second； but that was long enough。
〃NO！〃 I shouted。 I heard my chair hit the floor； and only then realized I was on
my feet。
〃Edward！〃 Carlisle was on his feet； too； his arm on my shoulder。 I was barely
aware of him。
〃It's solidifying；〃 Alice whispered。 〃Every minute you're more decided。
There're really only two ways left for her。 It's one or the other； Edward。〃
I could see what she saw？but I could not accept it。
〃No；〃 I said again； there was no volume to my denial。 My legs felt hollow； and I
had to brace myself against the table。
〃Will somebody please let the rest of us in on the mystery？〃 Emmett complained。
〃I have to leave；〃 I whispered to Alice； ignoring him。
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〃Edward； we've already been over that；〃 Emmett said loudly。 〃That's the best
way to start the girl talking。 Besides； if you take off； we won't know for sure if she's
talking or not。 You have to stay and deal with this。〃
〃I don't see you going anywhere； Edward；〃 Alice told me。 〃I don't know if you
can leave anymore。〃 Think about it； she added silently。 Think about leaving。
I saw what she meant。 Yes； the idea of never seeing the girl again was？painful。
But it was also necessary。 I couldn't sanction either future I'd apparently condemned her
to。
I'm not entirely sure of Jasper； Edward； Alice went on。 If you leave； if he thinks
she's a danger to us？
〃I don't hear that；〃 I contradicted her； still only halfway aware of our audience。
Jasper was wavering。 He would not do something that would hurt Alice。
Not right this moment。 Will you risk her life； leave her undefended？
〃Why are you doing this to me？〃 I groaned。 My head fell into my hands。
I was not Bella's protector。 I could not be that。 Wasn't Alice's divided future
enough proof of that？
I love her； too。 Or I will。 It's not the same； but I want her around for that。
〃Love her； too？〃 I whispered； incredulous。
She sighed。 You are so blind； Edward。 Can't you see where you're headed？
Can't you see where you already are？ It's more inevitable than the sun rising in the east。
See what I see？
I shook my head； horrified。 〃No。〃 I tried to shut out the visions she revealed to
me。 〃I don't have to follow that course。 I'll leave。 I will change the future。〃
〃You can try；〃 she said； her voice skeptical。
〃Oh； come on！〃 Emmett bellowed。
〃Pay attention；〃 Rose hissed at him。 〃Alice sees him falling for a human！ How
classically Edward！〃 She made a gagging sound。
I scarcely heard her。
〃What？〃 Emmett said； startled。 Then his booming laugh echoed through the
room。 〃Is that what's been going on？〃 He laughed again。 〃Tough break； Edward。〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
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I felt his hand on my shoulder； and I shook it off absently。 I couldn't pay
attention to him。
〃Fall for a human？〃 Esme repeated in a stunned voice。 〃For the girl he saved
today？ Fall in love with her？〃
〃What do you see； Alice？ Exactly；〃 Jasper demanded。
She turned toward him； I continued to stare numbly at the side of her face。
〃It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not。 Either he'll kill her
himself〃 —she turned to meet my gaze again； glaring— 〃which would really irritate me；
Edward； not to mention what it would do to you—〃 she faced Jasper again； 〃or she'll be
one of us someday。〃
Someone gasped； I didn't look to see who。
〃That's not going to happen！〃 I was shouting again。 〃Either one！〃
Alice didn't seem to hear me。 〃It all depends；〃 she repeated。 〃He may be just
strong enough not to kill her—but it will be close。 It will take an amazing amount of
control；〃 she mused。 〃More even than Carlisle has。 He may be just strong enough？
The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from her。 That's a lost cause。〃
I couldn't find my voice。 No one else seemed to be able to either。 The room was
still。
I stared at Alice； and everyone else stared at me。 I could see my own horrified
expression from five different viewpoints。
After a long moment； Carlisle sighed。
〃Well； this？complicates things。〃
〃I'll say；〃 Emmett agreed。 His voice was still close to laughter。 Trust Emmett to
find the joke in the destruction of my life。
〃I suppose the plans remain the same； though；〃 Carlisle said thoughtfully。 〃We'll
stay； and watch。 Obviously； no one will？hurt the girl。〃
I stiffened。
〃No；〃 Jasper said quietly。 〃I can agree to that。 If Alice sees only two ways—〃
〃No！〃 My voice was not a shout or a growl or a cry of despair； but some
combination of the three。 〃No！〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
88
I had to leave； to be away from the noise of their thoughts—Rosalie's self…
righteous disgust； Emmett's humor； Carlisle's never ending patience？
Worse： Alice's confidence。 Jasper's confidence in that confidence。
Worst of all： Esme's？joy。
I stalked out of the room。 Esme touched my arm as I passed； but I didn't
acknowledge the gesture。
I was running before I was out of the house。 I cleared the river in one bound； and
raced into the forest。 The rain was back again； falling so heavily that I was drenched in a
few moments。 I liked the thick sheet of water—it made a wall between me and the rest of
the world。 It closed me in； let me be alone。
I ran due east； over and through the mountains without breaking my straight
course； until I could see the lights of Seattle on the other side of the sound。 I stopped
before I touched the borders of human civilization。
Shut in by the rain； all alone； I finally made myself look at what I had done—at
the way I had mutilated the future。
First； the vision of Alice and the girl with their arms around each other—the trust
and friendship was so obvious it shouted from the image。 Bella's wide chocolate eyes
were not bewildered in this vision； but still full of secrets—in this moment； they seemed
to be happy secrets。 She did not flinch away from Alice's cold arm。
What did it mean？ How much did she know？ In that still…life moment from the
future； what did she think of me？
Then the other image； so much the same； yet now colored by horror。 Alice and
Bella； their arms still wrapped around each other in trusting friendship。 But now there
was no difference between those arms—both were white； smooth as marble； hard as steel。
Bella's wide eyes were no longer chocolate。 The irises were a shocking； vivid crimson。
The secrets in them were unfathomable—acceptance or desolation？ It was impossible to
tell。 Her face was cold and immortal。
I shuddered。 I could not suppress the questions； similar； but different： What did it
mean—how had this come about？ And what did she think of me now？
I could answer that last one。 If I forced her into this empty half…life through my
weakness and selfishness； surely she would hate m
