half a life-time ago-第9章

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was　so　indignant　at　this　intermeddling　of　a　stranger　in　the　deep

family　sorrow　and　shame。　　Mrs。　Gale　thought　she　was　gaining　the　day；

and　urged　her　arguments　more　pitilessly。　　Even　Michael　winced　for

Susan；　and　wondered　at　her　silence。　　He　shrank　out　of　sight；　and　into

the　shadow；　hoping　that　his　sister　might　prevail；　but　annoyed　at　the

hard　way　in　which　she　kept　putting　the　case。



Suddenly　Susan　turned　round　from　the　occupation　she　had　pretended　to

be　engaged　in；　and　said　to　him　in　a　low　voice；　which　yet　not　only

vibrated　itself；　but　made　its　hearers　thrill　through　all　their

obtuseness：



〃Michael　Hurst！　does　your　sister　speak　truth；　think　you？〃



Both　women　looked　at　him　for　his　answer；　Mrs。　Gale　without　anxiety；

for　had　she　not　said　the　very　words　they　had　spoken　together　before？

had　she　not　used　the　very　arguments　that　he　himself　had　suggested？

Susan；　on　the　contrary；　looked　to　his　answer　as　settling　her　doom　for

life；　and　in　the　gloom　of　her　eyes　you　might　have　read　more　despair

than　hope。



He　shuffled　his　position。　　He　shuffled　in　his　words。



〃What　is　it　you　ask？　　My　sister　has　said　many　things。〃



〃I　ask　you；〃　said　Susan；　trying　to　give　a　crystal　clearness　both　to

her　expressions　and　her　pronunciation；　〃if；　knowing　as　you　do　how

Will　is　afflicted；　you　will　help　me　to　take　that　charge　of　him　which

I　promised　my　mother　on　her　death…bed　that　I　would　do；　and　which

means；　that　I　shall　keep　him　always　with　me；　and　do　all　in　my　power

to　make　his　life　happy。　　If　you　will　do　this；　I　will　be　your　wife；　if

not；　I　remain　unwed。〃



〃But　he　may　get　dangerous；　he　can　be　but　a　trouble；　his　being　here　is

a　pain　to　you；　Susan；　not　a　pleasure。〃



〃I　ask　you　for　either　yes　or　no；〃　said　she；　a　little　contempt　at　his

evading　her　question　mingling　with　her　tone。　　He　perceived　it；　and　it

nettled　him。



〃And　I　have　told　you。　　I　answered　your　question　the　last　time　I　was

here。　　I　said　I　would　ne'er　keep　house　with　an　idiot；　no　more　I　will。

So　now　you've　gotten　your　answer。〃



〃I　have；〃　said　Susan。　　And　she　sighed　deeply。



〃Come；　now；〃　said　Mrs。　Gale；　encouraged　by　the　sigh；　〃one　would　think

you　don't　love　Michael；　Susan；　to　be　so　stubborn　in　yielding　to　what

I'm　sure　would　be　best　for　the　lad。〃



〃Oh！　she　does　not　care　for　me；〃　said　Michael。　　〃I　don't　believe　she

ever　did。〃



〃Don't　I？　　Haven't　I？〃　asked　Susan；　her　eyes　blazing　out　fire。　　She

left　the　room　directly；　and　sent　Peggy　in　to　make　the　tea；　and

catching　at　Will；　who　was　lounging　about　in　the　kitchen；　she　went　up…

stairs　with　him　and　bolted　herself　in；　straining　the　boy　to　her

heart；　and　keeping　almost　breathless；　lest　any　noise　she　made　might

cause　him　to　break　out　into　the　howls　and　sounds　which　she　could　not

bear　that　those　below　should　hear。



A　knock　at　the　door。　　It　was　Peggy。



〃He　wants　for　to　see　you；　to　wish　you　good…bye。〃



〃I　cannot　come。　　Oh；　Peggy；　send　them　away。〃



It　was　her　only　cry　for　sympathy；　and　the　old　servant　understood　it。

She　sent　them　away；　somehow；　not　politely；　as　I　have　been　given　to

understand。



〃Good　go　with　them；〃　said　Peggy；　as　she　grimly　watched　their

retreating　figures。　　〃We're　rid　of　bad　rubbish；　anyhow。〃　　And　she

turned　into　the　house；　with　the　intention　of　making　ready　some

refreshment　for　Susan；　after　her　hard　day　at　the　market；　and　her

harder　evening。　　But　in　the　kitchen；　to　which　she　passed　through　the

empty　house…place；　making　a　face　of　contemptuous　dislike　at　the　used

tea…cups　and　fragments　of　a　meal　yet　standing　there；　she　found　Susan；

with　her　sleeves　tucked　up　and　her　working　apron　on；　busied　in

preparing　to　make　clap…bread；　one　of　the　hardest　and　hottest　domestic

tasks　of　a　Daleswoman。　　She　looked　up；　and　first　met；　and　then

avoided　Peggy's　eye；　it　was　too　full　of　sympathy。　　Her　own　cheeks

were　flushed；　and　her　own　eyes　were　dry　and　burning。



〃Where's　the　board；　Peggy？　　We　need　clap…bread；　and；　I　reckon；　I've

time　to　get　through　with　it　to…night。〃　　Her　voice　had　a　sharp；　dry

tone　in　it；　and　her　motions　a　jerking　angularity　about　them。



Peggy　said　nothing；　but　fetched　her　all　that　she　needed。　　Susan　beat

her　cakes　thin　with　vehement　force。　　As　she　stooped　over　them；

regardless　even　of　the　task　in　which　she　seemed　so　much　occupied；　she

was　surprised　by　a　touch　on　her　mouth　of　somethingwhat　she　did　not

see　at　first。　　It　was　a　cup　of　tea；　delicately　sweetened　and　cooled；

and　held　to　her　lips；　when　exactly　ready；　by　the　faithful　old　woman。

Susan　held　it　off　a　hand's　breath；　and　looked　into　Peggy's　eyes；

while　her　own　filled　with　the　strange　relief　of　tears。



〃Lass！〃　said　Peggy；　solemnly；　〃thou　hast　done　well。　　It　is　not　long

to　bide；　and　then　the　end　will　come。〃



〃But　you　are　very　old；　Peggy；〃　said　Susan；　quivering。



〃It　is　but　a　day　sin'　I　were　young；〃　replied　Peggy；　but　she　stopped

the　conversation　by　again　pushing　the　cup　with　gentle　force　to

Susan's　dry　and　thirsty　lips。　　When　she　had　drunken　she　fell　again　to

her　labour；　Peggy　heating　the　hearth；　and　doing　all　that　she　knew

would　be　required；　but　never　speaking　another　word。　　Willie　basked

close　to　the　fire；　enjoying　the　animal　luxury　of　warmth；　for　the

autumn　evenings　were　beginning　to　be　chilly。　　It　was　one　o'clock

before　they　thought　of　going　to　bed　on　that　memorable　night。







CHAPTER　IV。







The　vehemence　with　which　Susan　Dixon　threw　herself　into　occupation

could　not　last　for　ever。　　Times　of　languor　and　remembrance　would

cometimes　when　she　recurred　with　a　passionate　yearning　to　bygone

days；　the　recollection　of　which　was　so　vivid　and　delicious；　that　it

seemed　as　though　it　were　the　reality；　and　the　present　bleak　bareness

the　dream。　　She　smiled　anew　at　the　magical　sweetness　of　some　touch　or

tone　which　in　memory　she　felt　and　heard；　and　drank　the　delicious　cup

of　poison；　although　at　the　very　time　she　knew　what　the　consequences

of　racking　pain　would　be。



〃This　time；　last　year；〃　thought　she；　〃we　went　nutting　togetherthis

very　day　last　year；　just　such　a　day　as　to…day。　　Purple　and　gold　were

the　lights　on　the　hills；　the　leaves　were　just　turning　brown；　here　and

there　on　the　sunny　slopes　the　stubble…fields　looked　tawny；　down　in　a

cleft　of　yon　purple　slate…rock　the　beck　fell　like　a　silver　glancing

thread；　all　just　as　it　is　to…day。　　And　he　climbed　the　slender；

swaying　nut…trees；　and　bent　the　branches　for　me　to　gather；　or　made　a

passage　through　the　hazel　copses；　from　time　to　time　claiming　a　toll。

Who　could　have　thought　he　loved　me　so　little？who？who？〃



Or；　as　the　evening　closed　in；　she　would　allow　herself　to　imagine　that

she　heard　his　coming　step；　just　that　she　might　recall　time　feeling　of

exquisite　delight　which　had　passed　by　without　the　due　and　passionate

relish　at　the　time。　　Then　she　would　wonder　how　she　could　have　had

strength；　the　cruel；　self…piercing　strength；　to　say　what　she　had

done；　to　stab　himself　with　that　stern　resolution；　of　which　the　sear

would　remain　till　her　dying　day。　　It　might　have　been　right；　but；　as

she　sickened；　she　wished　she　had　not　instinctively　chosen　the　right。

How　luxurious　a　life　haunted　by　no　stern　sense　of　duty　must　be！　　And

many　led　this　kind　of　life；　why　could　not　she？　　O；　for　one　hour　again

of　his　sweet　company！　　If　he　came　now；　she　would　agree　to　whatever　he

proposed。



It　was　a　fever　of　the　mind。　　She　passed　through　it；　and　came　out

healthy；　if　weak。　　She　was　capable　once　more　of　taking　pleasure　in

following　an　unseen　guide　through　briar　and　brake。　　She　returned　with

tenfold　affection　to　her　protecting　care　of　Willie。　　She　acknowledged

to　herself　that　he　was　to　he　her　all…in…all　in　life。　　She　made　him

her　constant　companion。　　For　his　sake；　as　the　real　owner　of　Yew　Nook；

and　she　as　his　steward　and　guardian；　she　began　that　course　of　careful

saving；　and　that　love　of　acquisition；　which　afterwards　gained　for　her

the　reputation　of　being　miserly。　　She　still　thought　that　he　might

regain　a　scanty　portion　of　senseenough　to　requi